How dare I try to tell you what love is. What truth of heart and clarity of mind is. How dare I try to counsel you on what decisions and actions will best serve you as you look for, nurture and appreciate the love in your life.
I dare tell you all these things because I truly believe that one of the missions that we are all born with is to make sure that our mistakes are learning experiences. Love and caring should motivate us to ensure that no one relives the same mistakes we have made. So I am answering that call. The trumpet has sounded and I have began my march.
I am struggling to find happiness in a failing marriage. I am struggling to rekindle friendships that I have not nurtured. I am praying to find the courage to show my pain and struggle to those I love and end the charade of being the man with the magic smile and the big heart. I am seeking my relationship with God, who makes all my other labors easier to manage.
So today I stand before you. Bare! Naked for you to see. No mask, no costume. I am me. Simultaneously flawed and fabulous. I vow that today is the first step in my journey. From this day forward I commit myself to loving myself more and having the courage to change the things in my life that poison and weaken me instead of nurture and empower.
So I dare! I dare to stand before you and give you advice on love and life. Not because my life is perfect but because I am flawed and have made mistakes. Mistakes that I don't wish to see anyone else make. I hope this post sparks some positive and helpful conversation between us.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Trust. The seed of love.
Trust is the cornerstone that the temple of your love will be built upon. The most consistent flaw of relationships that I see is when people are in a relationship where they don’t particularly trust the other person. How can you make any substantial or real connection with your “loved” one if there is an undertone of distrust and suspicion?
If you acknowledge a problem without offering a solution, then you are just complaining. So here is my solution to the problem of lack of trust in a relationship. Get Out! Simple right? It really is. Why are you wasting your time loving someone when the cornerstone of your alleged love is not firm? It is conditional love, love based on how much he or she is willing to repeatedly profess their trustworthiness and perform acts that reinforce your fickle acceptance and faith.
Do we all fall short at times and act as less than completely trustworthy partners? Yes, we are imperfect humans and will have moments that cast an unflattering light upon us. But love sees past our human flaws and accepts that there is a deeper spiritual and emotional connection that will sustain us through the tough times.
So how do you build trust? Over time trust will come naturally. It cannot be forced and coerced. Interviewing, interrogating, badgering your loved one about where they are, what they are doing and who they are with doesn’t build trust. It builds contempt. The person asking the questions rarely fully believes the answers they are told and the person being asked the questions harbors more negative emotions and resentment.
I’m not saying that you should go blindly into a relationship and be naive to the point where someone abuses your trust but you have to trust unconditionally in order to love unconditionally. You have to have the ability to truly forgive but not forget. Don’t forget because you need to learn and grow from the experience but you must forgive, truly forgive. Otherwise you create an abyss of incomplete love. You have to believe that your partner loves you and respects you enough not to deceive you. If you don’t have those feelings, it’s not likely you ever will. It’s time to move on. Have the courage to admit to yourself that you are not with the right person.
If you acknowledge a problem without offering a solution, then you are just complaining. So here is my solution to the problem of lack of trust in a relationship. Get Out! Simple right? It really is. Why are you wasting your time loving someone when the cornerstone of your alleged love is not firm? It is conditional love, love based on how much he or she is willing to repeatedly profess their trustworthiness and perform acts that reinforce your fickle acceptance and faith.
Do we all fall short at times and act as less than completely trustworthy partners? Yes, we are imperfect humans and will have moments that cast an unflattering light upon us. But love sees past our human flaws and accepts that there is a deeper spiritual and emotional connection that will sustain us through the tough times.
So how do you build trust? Over time trust will come naturally. It cannot be forced and coerced. Interviewing, interrogating, badgering your loved one about where they are, what they are doing and who they are with doesn’t build trust. It builds contempt. The person asking the questions rarely fully believes the answers they are told and the person being asked the questions harbors more negative emotions and resentment.
I’m not saying that you should go blindly into a relationship and be naive to the point where someone abuses your trust but you have to trust unconditionally in order to love unconditionally. You have to have the ability to truly forgive but not forget. Don’t forget because you need to learn and grow from the experience but you must forgive, truly forgive. Otherwise you create an abyss of incomplete love. You have to believe that your partner loves you and respects you enough not to deceive you. If you don’t have those feelings, it’s not likely you ever will. It’s time to move on. Have the courage to admit to yourself that you are not with the right person.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Greetings From Kekui's Court
I was inspired to begin this blog by my best friend. I love her for all her support and inspiration. I was raised as the only male child in a house with 8 women. Yes I said 8. Thank God "The View" or "Oprah" wasn't around yet or I wouldn't have gotten any time watching G.I. Joe or The A-Team. I love women and I think that I was blessed to be raised in a loving home with so many women. They shared with me their perspectives on life and love, they educated me on the nuances and subtleties of the female psyche and they made me sensitive and understanding of what my role and responsibility was as a man. I am married and so now my greatest challenge is to love my wife in a way that both honors her and inspires pride from my matriarchs. So I am hoping this blog allows me to share my experiences of what I've learned on how to communicate, love, respect, fulfill and inspire the women in your life. Your friend, sister, mother and wife all are dynamic and amazing. Hopefully this blog will allow us to share, network, educate and inspire each other to be the best we can be. I encourage both men and women to join so we can embark on this journey together. The eyes of Kekui are upon us. Together we will see the light.
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